What is with me lately? I wish I knew. Day after day I wake up with the intention to clean the house, write, or do something that feels productive (other than keeping the kids alive and well). I can’t seem to get anything done and as a result I feel as though our house has taken on a life of its own. I am certain that if I don’t get it picked up soon – if the dishes don’t get done, if the toys don’t get picked up, if the little pinpoint spots of annoying stickiness doesn’t get mopped off of the floor – it will continue to pile up until it suffocates me to death.
I should not be on here writing a blog that is probably going to end up sucking as much as this mess that is consuming my better thoughts. I should be slaving away, rushing about the house feverishly sorting, wiping, dusting, and disinfecting my way to more organized surroundings. However, I can’t find the motivation. I feel like I need to write something first so this is my lame attempt to free myself from the bond of having to put something on my blog since it has been a week since my last post. It’s so sad, too, because I keep starting draft after draft after draft, but either something comes up and I lose my trail of thought, or what I write just seems to go nowhere, much like this post that I am determined to publish no matter what.
I just have one question: how do some mothers do it all? What are those mothers lacking in that seem to keep a clean house, run all of their errands, organize their thoughts and plans surrounding Easter egg hunts and basket filling, spend quality time with their husbands, and still have time to take a shower? There has to be something missing. I feel like I run around ALL of the time, but never seem to get anything done. Heaven forbid any of those mothers set foot in my house for they would be mortified. Hopefully the laughing and excitement overflowing from the happiness of my children would be enough to thwart their first impression that I’m a filthy slacker.
In some ways I think this dirty house is like therapy for me – a technique in learning to cope with less than perfect circumstances. I have to admit, to be where I am now, and not be completely loosing my mind is pretty impressive compared to where I was before I had children. I remember days when a messy house was defined as something silly like a throw pillow being turned the wrong way. In fact, if my former-life self (i.e. Caroline pre-children) was to show up unannounced, she would be so disappointed. Today a messy house is defined as no clean spoons, having to go through the dryer to find clean jeans, shoes covering the floor of the mud-room and not a single one inside of the shoe organizer, and not being able to see the top of the island in the kitchen because of the bills, bags, art projects, recycling, and other miscellaneous items that have been thrown there. What’s sad is that even with that list of things, it could still get worse before I would consider it unbearable.
There, a post… finally. Sorry that it sucks, is short, has no meaning, and will make no one cry, but it’s really just the scraps of my brain that I have to share at the moment. Maybe the weekend will bring not only a great idea for a great new post, but also a home that resembles something my former-self would be proud of.
